Unedited Opening Lines to My Unpublished Stories

Ruben lived under the delusion that someday his life would be different.

When Jacobs arrived at the office that morning, he found old Mrs. Stennett, the director of accounting, slumped in her chair. She had apparently expired sometime last evening while filing budget reports. Jacobs wheeled her chair into a closet and called security.

Roger put his arm around Dawn, pulled her to him and said: "When I was little I wanted to be a ball player. But I sucked. In high school I wanted to be a rock star. But I sucked at that too. After college I wanted to be marketing director of a large auto parts firm. I suck at that too, but it doesn't matter."

Warren thought, "If this traffic doesn't start moving in exactly one minute a whole lot of people are going to die."

Sometimes it seemed that his whole life was built on pretense. He pretended to like his job. He pretended to like his wife. His family. He pretended to believe in God. He especially liked his pretend Mercedes.

Vern could remember distinctly his previous life when he had been a happy firefly living a carefree existence in a peaceful mountain valley until he was devoured by a large bat.

It was because he was afraid that Norman was locked out of his house.

Franklin no longer despised the garbage men.

When Orin was in grade school he was a notorious class bully. In high school he took his frustrations out on pencil neck geeks; homely, desperate girls; newly emptied beer cans; and the football field. After high school he became a cop.

Al racked his brain trying to figure out why Colleen had left him. Then he remembered: he was a drunk rat bastard.

There was nothing ordinary about Melissa. Not even the nails on her eleven fingers.

One morning Dooley woke up to find himself lying next to a giant cockroach. "Okay," he told himself. "No need to panic here. I'm lying next to a giant cockroach. But common sense tells me I must be having a nightmare, that I am in fact still sleeping." Suddenly the cockroach rolled over on top of Dooley and began furiously humping him. Dooley reached for the phone on the nightstand and began dialing 9-1-1.

After her third divorce Imelda swore she would never marry again. Then, at the gun show, she met Luther.

Ernie wanted to see how long he could live without money. The next morning he was dead.

Copyright (c) 1999-2007 Christopher Orlet
All rights reserved.

Christopher Orlet is a Midwestern writer with a full-time job that he would rather not talk about.