Ruminations

One of the perks of being a Pig Latin poet 
is that it's pretty easy to come up with rhymes. 
(Raul Gonzalez) 


I bet Leonardo da Vinci was naked when he
painted the Mona Lisa. That's the same
smirk my wife has when she sees me naked.
(Andy Pierson)
http://i.bet.homepage.com


I've always thought that lingerie was a nice gift, 
especially for a woman to whom you're very close. 
Something tells me, though, that 
Grandma would've preferred slippers. 
(Kurt M. Matis)

Henry David Thoreau once said, "Simplify! Simplify!" 
I wonder why he didn't just say, "Simplify!" 
(Michael J. Tunney) 

In my wild youth, we would go out to Dead Man's Run 
behind Old McGregor's Farm and play chicken. 
I was the champ until Fast Sammy Rivers came 
to town and stripped me of my title. Although 
all of my friends thought the match was a 
little unfair since he had a car and all. 
(R.M. Weiner)

I bet calico cats have a really hard time
  accessorizing. 
(Lee Entrekin)

My uncle Phil moves furniture in the daytime 
and plays the maracas in a band at night. 
Yep, he's a mover and a shaker. 
(Anna Williams)

I bet ten-foot poles don't get much use. 
(LeMel Hebert-Williams)

Finally, I just threw up my hands in disgust, 
and wondered if it had been such a good idea 
to have eaten my hands in the first place. 
(Brad Hamer)

When I'm rich and famous, I'm going to thank all 
the little people that helped me get where I am. 
Hey, it's cheaper than paying them. 
(Alf Whit)

I have chickens for pets. It’s great -- 
I give them warmth, food, shelter and love. 
In return I get to eat their unborn children. 
(Nicole Stevens)

If the CIA were smart, they'd give secret operations 
names like "ARRRRRGH!", so when agents were captured 
and tortured, the enemy would never figure it out. 
(Jeff Fuqua)

Somebody famous once said, "All things in moderation." 
To which I say, "Whoa, *ALL* things??? 
That's kinda overdoing it a bit, don't ya think?" 
(Jeff Shearer)

The only thing standing between 
me and total happiness is reality. 
(Douglas Porter)

My uncle told me with age comes wisdom, which 
may explain the lack of elderly bungee jumpers. 
(Sky & Jaggie)

Self-deprecation is an art form that 
I'm far too ugly to be any good at. 
(Adam Altman)


If you tied buttered toast to the back 
of a cat and dropped it from a height, 
those PETA people would be all 
over your ass in a heartbeat. 
(Jennifer Piatak)

One good thing about internet dating - you're 
guaranteed to click with whomever you meet.
(Mongo)

If I could get all the people in my life who have 
ever done mean things to me in one room, I wouldn't 
go in there because, damn, those are some mean people! 
(LeMel Hebert-Williams)

I bet with the proper amount of manpower, pliers, 
ropes, belts and duct tape, you actually *could* 
lead a horse to water AND make him drink. 
(Andy Overman) 

I think the best way to insult an illiterate 
bully is to write him a nasty letter. 
(Paul Paternoster)

Sometimes I think things like "What's the point?",
"Why am I here?", and "Why am I putting myself through this?"
Then I remember I paid good money for this class.
(Mariano Arguedas)

I bet "Void" would be a cool name to have.
Except maybe on payday.
(Len Pallazola)

Yesterday, I awoke with the whole day ahead
of me, so I rolled over and went back to sleep.
I mean, who needs that kind of pressure?
(J.B.)

My dominatrix is going on vacation, 
so for the next two weeks I have
to practice self-restraint.
(Mark Funk)

Sometimes I feel like an e-rhinestone cowboy, 
getting spam and e-mail from people I don’t even know.
(Ben Gillihan)

I'll take tit over tat any day.
(Roger Smith)

and, last but not least, because
this is the Holidays Issue:

In my lifetime,
I have been in top physical condition, 
and I have been fat and sloppy. And I gotta say, 
fat and sloppy is a whole lot easier to maintain.
(Dave Nadolna)

Copyright (c) 1999-2007 Chris White
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